wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
