After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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