also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
