I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
