Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry about my life...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
