and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
