she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
