i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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