My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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