he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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