Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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