I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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