normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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