I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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