I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
