So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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