Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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