i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
