Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
