i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
