mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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