Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
