Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He better not be in your backpack
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
