I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
