She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
