I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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