I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How does one acquire holy water?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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