Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize