You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
