I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
