My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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