I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
