I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
