If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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