i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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