told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
