I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
