i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Mom said you looked used
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
