I must be too annoying 4 u.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize