I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
