Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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