omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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