I think im going to throw up on grandma
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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