Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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