worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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