I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize