i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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