we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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