tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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