I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
