A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
