Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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