Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
