Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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