i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
