And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize