I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Randomize
