Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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