You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
