life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
