She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
