yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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