I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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