If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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