hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
