There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
