Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
