Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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