I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
someone threw a dead crab at me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
